I’ve had quite a few this weekend. Some of them have been incredibly painful, others have been so full of hope they have made me smile. Still others have amused my friends because, as is so often the case, they knew these things a long time ago!
The first is that I realised that nobody can ever fulfil my deepest needs aside from God. I can’t get the security and protection I crave from anywhere apart from the foot of the cross.
The second is that I do not need to do anything to earn God’s love. It is something I have known in my head for as long as I can remember, but it is only just sinking to my heart. I’ve spent so long trying to be the best secretary, the best organiser, the best friend, the hardest worker, that I can possibly be. It’s no wonder that I spend my life utterly exhausted!
So I made a pretty momentous decision. To accept the love of God. To live in the love of God and do things out of the love I have received. I do not need to work myself into the ground in order to feel good enough to receive the love.
It’s going to take a while to change the habits of a lifetime I think, but it’s worth it.